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The answer is based upon the sacred four pillars of truth in mass-market consumerism: beer, TV, gerbil tubes and discount.
For the kids: A climbing and adventure play camp that rivals McDonald's, with gerbil tubes where parents check kids in and go shopping (or drinking) that'll make kids beg to visit, pretending that they are camping and forcing Mom to come back a second time -- something that usually takes another three to four months.